i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This baby is an asshole
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
