I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
