I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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