imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
