A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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