OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
