why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
