TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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