life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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