so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
