There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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