I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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