It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
