Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
