how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
