I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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