Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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