I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
