I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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