From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
