Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
