cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
