Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
