I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
