Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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