I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
