i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
