She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
