The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
