closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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