Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
