so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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