she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
