In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.