if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?