I saw his package. It spoke to me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?