Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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