threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize