So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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