I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
