dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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