Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was born a porn star she said
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
