also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize