I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
