FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
