What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
