There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
