My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
