Barsexuality is the new black.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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