I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
