Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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