this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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