**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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