Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
