For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
