I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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