I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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