there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
