she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
