i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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