I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
